The 2T's - Life Lessons For The Workplace When The Naughty Step Doesn't Cut It

Sometimes, whether at home or work, you need to make tough decisions and I'm not talking about Latte vs. Espresso here. In theory, work should be pretty easy - a logical assessment of cost benefits and resources and you're already halfway to the bleeding obvious. Decisions at home are completely different; instead of cost vs. benefit its more a case of want vs. bank balance, instead of profit and loss it's a happy household and peoples feelings, instead of business strategy you have your kids' expectations. But being a working mum sometimes those distinctions get a little blurry and that's when the fun really starts... When you start including empathy and consideration of people's feelings into business decisions you are deemed to have "great people skills" although some onlookers may see you as a bit of a soft touch. When you include cost benefit and strategic alignment into home decisions you're more likely accused of being heartless, uncaring and frankly, a bit of a party pooper.

Now you extend that out to conflict resolution and then it becomes... as my 8 year old would say... absolutely HILARIOUS (yes, I'm very proud - she's mastered sarcasm at such a young age).  Working for an American Corporation for 20 years I have done pretty much every course they have ever run, including managing people and conflict. I have lots of pretty certificates and group photos after we were trained and sent forth. And I can say they were, sad to say, with the exception of a couple - all pretty useless. However there is one training that I have done, I refer to it as the 2T's that once completed, or even just a fair way through, gives you the toolkit and tactics for ANY conflict situation... personal, work, social, political, God Lord people with this you're up for the Nobel Peace Prize. Yes folks, the 2T's....

Toddlers and Teenagers

In both cases you can be dealing with self-obsessed, thoughtless, irrational, monosyllabic creatures that are firmly focussed on what they need or want out of life and no amount of of posturing, reasoning or discussion will get them to see your viewpoint.  So you resort to Darwinism, you adapt. 

To survive the toddler tantrums or the hormonal rages you toughen up, you learn to prioritise, identify what's important - before long you're employing military tactics - Good God Man this is war! Your portfolio of multitasking as a working mum now includes those management skills you can't learn in a classroom but only on the battlefield... what's the minimum position I'm prepared to accept? What's an acceptable level of collateral damage? Have I defended anything which may get hurt (feelings) or broken (bank balance - trust doesn't even come into it at this stage)? And of course, the pinnacle... which battles am I prepared to lose in order to win the war? 

Now take that training into work. By the time my stepsons had resurfaced from the teen years and after almost 12 years of toddler-dom in my house - I can't help looking at difficult situations at work and think "Amateurs - you really want to screw with my head? Go speak to my kids" However this does give you a perverse sense of calm at work when dealing with conflict. You can employ business logic combined with empathy all wrapped up in the toolkit and tactics of the 2T's with the happy detachment of knowing, that whoever this person is, they are not your kid.

When your kids do emerge from the "other side" I've learnt that if you've remained steadfast, consistent and  predominantly sane they now look to you not only as their parents but their friends and even their mentors. Whilst there may not be such a warm fuzzy share-the-love experience at work, by not dodging the issue, being fair and setting clear boundaries and expectations - your colleagues will at least see you as fair and balanced. 

So as my eldest daughter is racing towards the teen years I'm feeling quite calm and prepared, toolkit at the ready. Thick skin - check. Boundaries established - check. Items given that can later be confiscated - check. And if all that fails - there is always the Pinot Grigio....