I've had a wake up call over friends today. Most of us could say we have lots of friends we see, speak or communicate somehow with on a regular basis - even if it's just hitting "Like' on their facebook post. My niece has 644 friends on her Facebook. WTF?? I don't even know that many people. I remember reading a study, ok in truth probably heard it on the radio or something more low key than actually reading, but the gist was the actual max number of people we could have in a our true group of friends - people we would know well enough to ask for a favour - was about 125. Well twice verily I say WTF?!
So let's be honest - the term Friend is used broadly but can have several different interpretations - ranging from casual acquaintance to someone who is right there, in your inner circle, being there, loving you no matter what you do, say, own or even weigh. And when you take that more extreme group of friends, most of us (or maybe it is just me) are truly lucky if we have a number of those friends that we can count on more than one hand.
How those friends come about can be anybodies guess... looking at my "handful" it includes my oldest friend I've known since I was 15, we've been there off and on through all the major pieces of our lives and frankly they will always be my friend because indeed they just know too much. Other friends I have got to know through work. Invariably these are people that I met either on a business trip or were new to the group, outside of my normal circle, and we just clicked, got on famously and felt like you'd always known them. And then there's that friend, that frankly was nothing really special, a good friend but not someone you'd ever really considered until life fell apart for a time... people you had thought were good friends smiled and offered the occasional shoulder but this is the time when that ultimate friend appears out of no where and is the one who suddenly is there beside you and never leaves.
And I'm sure the paths to the inner circle of friend-dom is many and varied.
So why the wake up call?
Well it's that whole life thing. You know who these people are, you know how much you care and want them in your life and losing their friendship would be a huge regret. But as your own life gets crazy and busy sometimes we takes these people for granted. We consider spending time with them that point when you've really just talked about yourself for the last 30 minutes without seeing that they've only vaguely answered polite questions on themselves. Friends that email you - you love getting their emails and want to reply but leave it until you get more time - and never quite get that time. People that are quiet and far away for long periods and then suddenly do something or tell you something and you realise that actually you've been on their mind for a while.
Well all of those 3 things happened to me in the last few days, one friend sent yet another email saying he was thinking of me and checking in - and I realised I hadn't responded to the previous ones. One friend organised something amazing simply because they knew I would truly enjoy it... And another friend really needed a hug but I had been too wrapped up in my own little world to see it and to realise that I hadn't been spending the time I should have with her.
As juggling parents we have to prioritise time for kids, partners, parents, siblings, work and if we're lucky time for ourselves. But we absolutely should also make time to be there for our friends, because we love them, because we want to and because we know that when our own lives go to hell they will be the ones that will help put us back together.
So whilst I can't recommend trying to schedule quality time with all 644 of your Facebook friends, I do sometimes need to stand back and look at those handful friends that are more like family now and make sure, that as with all the other important people in my life, I make that investment in the relationship because I know, with 150% certainty, I am a better person and can handle more things in my life having them there too....
And in the meantime I'm off to write an email, book some travel and go get some concert tickets...
